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Me and My Monkey by Mark Anthony Given

I don't do drugs. I am drugs.  -Salvador Dali Destroy what destroys you.
              PEOPLE WHO OD are idiots.  I think it's the Earth's way of cleansing waste product.  If you don't know what you're doing, you shouldn't be fucking with it.  I shot dope probably a hundred times when I was young and stupid and 'life's value was unseen and under-appreciated.  I remember being in some dope den in the Lower Ninth Ward in New Orleans back in the Eighties, busting out alcohol pads and a 'Party Pack of U-100 Ultra Fine's and the couple idiots I was with, one of whom claimed the house belonged to his aunt 'and left vacant after she died.   Oyster Shell ground up and used for asphalt streets, overgrown and vacant lots next to fenced-in pink stucco shotgun homes, with expensive cars penned up in the front yard.   This was way before Katrina and looks completely civilized now.  Back then, only bad things happened back there.         THEY LOOKED at me l…

Him Baby by Mark Anthony Given

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Oh listen you men, I don't mean no harm If you wanna do good, you better stay off old Parchman Farm We got to work in the mornin', just at dawn of day Just at the settin' of the sun, that's when the work is done Bukka White, "Parchman Farm Blues" ________________________________________________
"Parchman's Farm," the Mississippi State Prison at the foot of the Mississippi Delta and the "Home of the Blues," just down the road, maintains the inner recess of every Southern Man mind when in a fit of anger reaches for that rifle to settle his disputes.  Inspired hit songs, housed white protesters and "Freedom Riders," in the sixties, cinema death row scenes and still had "Tunk Houses," when I was at Camp Eight the final months before my release in the early 1980's for a drug store burglary I have written about several times here on Real Life Heist, i.e., "The Real Drugstor…

The Rat Free Meal by Mark Anthony Given

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The axe forgets but the tree remembers. -African proverb ___________________________________________
             BACK WHEN I was kicking down hundred dollar bills like cigarette butts (See Another Hot Grand hereto), I used to frequent the finest restaurants in the New Orleans French Quarter, Galatoir's, Brennan's, K-Paul's Kitchen, Commander's Palace, and many places you never heard of. This is the mid-eighties during my One Man Crime Wave Split Deposit scam, resulting in me spending the next twelve years doing a five-year sentence with the federal Bureau of Prisons and their fuzzy math... AFTER A HOT DAY in the office in the front seat of a luxury rental car with the air conditioning blasting and having defrauded a half a dozen banks out of ten thousand dollars in brand new Benjamin's before my afternoon siesta.  Ten grand would last me maybe a couple weeks to buy hotel rooms and whores and feed a hundred dollars a day …

Joe The Boss Fama by Mark Anthony Given

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The martyr cannot be dishonored. Every lash inflicted is a tongue of fame;  Every prison a more illustrious abode.  -Ralph Waldo Emerson _______________________________________________
              MY HUSTLE IN PRISON was the magazine route.  Back in the seventies and eighties, you could check Bill Me Later and they would start sending magazines, CD's, Fingerhut, stuff.  I had the latest Rob Report, Playboy, Penthouse, Rolling Stone, Utne Reader, you name it.  On the Invoice, I'd slice the bottom of the envelope just room enough for a check to slide out and check "Check Enclosed."  I made my rounds throughout the prison a few times a week and only the elite dozen or so guys were on my official list and people would stop me all the time and I'd pretend to look at a piece of paper in my hand and say, "Nope, not on the list."  I'd keep walking....I know it sounds lame and I never really made any money at it but …

Did I Ever Tell You by Mark Anthony Given

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Anger cannot be dishonest. -Marcus Aurelius __________________ DID I EVER TELL YOU I attacked five grown black men while in prison with my bare hands at the same time? I try and tell people soon after I meet them, I'm the nicest guy you ever want to meet and I always try and nearly always do the right thing, but don't piss me off. I got in an argument last summer with a few of my neighbors about a water hose; two of them have since moved and the third left immediately leaving all their property, and never came back. I got a bad temper.             I BEGGED THESE idiots to stop slamming Domino's and cards on these stainless steel tables bolted to concrete bare floors, cinder block walls was like an echo chamber. I was sitting in the Mobile Metro Jail waiting for the feds to come get me for a parole violation for a dirty UA for smoking pot. It takes about 60-90 days of the longest days of your life surrounded by barely literate criminals and mentally disturbe…

Black's Dictionary Machette

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Laws control the lesser man, right conduct controls the greater. -Mark Twain
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      I READ THIRTY YEARS of United States Supreme Court decisions in fourteen months in the custody of the Federal Correctional Facility at Seagoville, Texas on a parole violation.  They put me in charge of six other inmates right off the bus after I showed a copy of my diploma to the director of education, purporting to show I just graduated from a fly by night community college on the Gulf Coast, Phillips Junior College, whose dozens of campuses folded shortly after I graduated.  Took me three years to get a two year degree holding down a full time job and going to school three nights a week to receive my Legal Administrative Assistant, Associate of Applied Science Degree.   I made dozens of copies of it on the school copier and threw them out the window on the ride to a friends house where a bunch of people used to sit around after work getting wasted and…

I (Did) Get Away With It by Mark Anthony Given

Busting Scripts by Mark Anthony Given

Just wrote that this morning.  It ain't brag'n if you can do it....
____________________ Son, I have done them all, and Dilaudid's the best. -Elvis Presley _____________________              I HAD THIS FANTASY of walking into a small town pharmacy, calling the pharmacist over while bending over the counter and wrote:  Dilaudid 4 mg., Disp. L (50) Sig:  1 Q 4-6 H PRN Pain, scribble a signature and circle Five Refills, but I usually sat out in the parking lot and wrote them beforehand.  I would usually put an expensive antibiotic with them.  The guy who got me started busting scripts,  wore a black eye patch over his left eye where a failed drunken suicide attempt left the whole area scarred up.  He would pull that pirate patch off and replace it with a two-inch gauze pad and medical tape so you could see all you needed to see and they would throw pain pills at him.  Ninety percent of the time as long as it's written correctly and there …

My True Crime by Mark Anthony Given

_____________________________________________________ No crime is so great as daring to excel.  -Winston Churchill _____________________________________________________
          WHAT IF both your parents were drunks and they fought all the time and you bounced in and out of foster homes and juvenile detention and sleeping in a Goodwill Box at night, I swipe a hoagie out of Wegman's in broad daylight.  Does that make me a criminal?  Or does it make me a sociopath because I don't feel bad about it?  How about a thirty-page true crime FBI Rap Sheet with one page nearly all alias?  Does that make me a bad guy?  Do you know where you were forty-three years ago on September 3, 1973 at exactly 9:48 at night?  I do. 
          MY ONE MAN CRIME WAVE stands as a testament, like "Here lies,' or "Kilroy was here!" and a major fuck you to a world where whats wrong for you is right for me.  I remember lying in yet another Salvation Army drop box I had…